I woke up this morning with a headache. Not a monster one, just an annoying clingy kind of one that threatened to become a monster with very little provocation. I blame it on a variety of things:
1. We haven't had rain in weeks and lately the air has been heavy and filled with moisture that just won't break out into a full fledged storm. It just hangs there....it teases with little bursts of winds and the occasional cloud cover that could become rain but never does. I also think the humidity works like a magnifying glass, making the sun seven times hotter than it actually is. I'm surprised things aren't spontaneously combusting left and right.
2. Leif has decided that the airline wants too much to check a bag when we fly to Sweden and so would like to ship his suit and my wedding dress and as many of our clothes as possible through a common carrier to save money. My new lifestyle has its foundation built on flexibility and less attachment to things but this one I'm struggling with. I spent hours making that dress and girlishly want to look pretty on the big day. Who knows, maybe it'll be all right if we don't mark it fragile or note that it shouldn't be submersed in liquids. And it has to be ready on Monday, so I need to decide what I am willing to do without for the week preceding our trip. And the week after it, since we'll have to ship them back the same way. Luckily Sweden is pretty much a different climate from here so I don't have to pack up my hot weather stuff and sit naked in the apartment till we leave.
3. Yesterday I got a call from a mom I babysit for and who has been an absolute angel about referring me to other moms. This time she wanted me to sit on the only free days I have before we leave the country for her sister-in-law. Who, by the way, has a nanny for eighteen days of the month but needs (her tone implied obviously) someone to cover the other thirteen and would I like to consider it? I agreed to one day because she basically begged me to do it. Yes, I do kind of regret saying yes.
4. I may be over-reacting a bit on No. 3, but I've taken jobs before that were supposed to be temporary and years later I was still there. Committing to thirteen days a month for the foreseeable
future feels like a career move. Might as well get a tattoo that says
"babysitter from hell" and start carrying baby wipes and Chupas everywhere I go. Leif thinks it's a good idea for my cultural growth. I understand what he's saying. I don't know if I agree or not, but I understand. Aside from the cultural thing let's face it, there's no upward mobility in babysitting. It hovers near the bottom of the employment totem pole and stays there.
5. I know what you're saying to yourself right now. "If you don't want to do it just say no, Michele." I'm telling myself that very thing. But I know me. I'm firm and confident alone in my apartment, but when I'm face to face with someone and they ask me to do something and I open my mouth to say "no" what comes out is "sure, no problem." It's a sickness. So I'm stressed about wanting to say no and being pretty sure that I'll accidentally say yes and then I'm stuck. I wish it was some figment of my imagination, but it just happened to me last week, so I know how dangerous I am to myself.
6. And finally, of course, I'm worried about not getting rid of the headache before I start tomorrow. Not only will it be an tough day for me, they won't be able to experience my awesomeness and I'll have used all my energies combating the pain and when she wants to discuss a more long-term agreement I'll say "Sure....no problem!" when that's not what I mean at all.
I need, not want, but need a real honest to God American happy hour. Complete with best friends and fathers and sisters and recognizable snack foods that masquerade as dinner. Sigh. Since I can't have that I'll continue my search for an appropriate yet fulfilling Italian substitute. It may take some time but really I have all the time in the world.